Last week I told my work I would be taking two weeks leave. This, my friends is the first two weeks annual leave (barr Pandemic times - does that count?) that I’ve had in over 12 years.
In recent posts, I mentioned I’ve been looking for another employment without success. Work and I are like old friends that kind of have a mismatch. I’ve changed internally and yet outwardly am still trying to keep the old connection happening. It’s not happening.
My disillusionment is leaking out of my pores, seeping out of my eyeballs. Never a poker player of any worth - absolutely EVERYONE knows the hand I’m holding.
Increasingly, I was feeling at the mercy of my manager, of the corporate culture, of the ruthless survivalism of the workplace. You have to bury your personal life, your own goals and ambition, your emotions to survive.
It was making me miserable. Circumstances were proving the attitude of management as less than ideal.
I called it. Instead of falling into a downwards spiral (as is my way), I reiterated to myself…
“I can find a solution”
“I will find a way through this”
“I’ve got this”
“I can do hard things”
“I’ve survived tough times before and look how far I’ve come.”
Immediately, new solutions started to rise to the surface. The entire experience reframed in my head as an opportunity and my energy shifted.
I can’t tell you how excited I feel about a two week break (well I can because I am). SUPER excited. It’s not just the break; I’ve reframed my job search, my financial situation, my creativity, my rest and restoration time.
Quite literally, every day for a week now, I’ve been jumping out of bed early with limitless energy - I’m not even on leave yet!
The last six months has been a heavy lift, rolling out of bed felt like waking up in a low lying fatigue with heavy limbs; trying really hard to find something to look forward to each day.
The shift is palpable and it’s given me a few realisations.
As someone who has defined this Substack journey as an exploration of joy, I’ve often wondered what is the point of joy. Why, as humans, do we need to feel it? What is the compelling function? Fear keeps us safe, love connects us, happiness brings temporary euphoria, anger motivates us and sadness reminds us of all we have to feel gratitude towards. What of joy?
Thoughts so far…
Joy shifts our energy into a more buoyant state that’s motivating
It inspires us to explore, to connect, to follow our curiosities. It funds growth.
It’s deeply infectious - it raises the temperature of the group we’re in and infuses more inclusion within members
It allows solutions, ideas and expansive ideas to rise to the surface.
We can certainly achieve all the things without joy, but I don’t think that’s our design function.
Universal consciousness is the animating force that is constantly moving towards expansion. Evolution of the species, environment, planet, universe et al, relies on a growth mindset.
Plants and animals may have not sentient concept of why they keep moving towards survival of the species other than a compelling desire. As humans, we know stagnation is the eventual decline and death of any micro climate - it’s also evident in the internal nature of people too.
We need joy - it compels and propels us forward.
Additionally, as humans, we have the side benefit of anticipation. Knowing something good is coming, planning for something good, feels just as exciting, motivating and energising as the event itself. Prospecting on future golden events.
This is the joy I hadn’t planned for, this is the joy I hadn’t properly realised. So I’m leaning into it fully, allowing the ‘future joy’ to meet me now and it feels bloody great.
“..that sanguine expectation of happiness which is happiness itself”
― Jane Austen, Sense and Sensibility
Thanks for reading x
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